I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
