I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
