I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat