Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
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they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
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I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY