There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes