the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
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this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
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I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?