Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
