Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.