I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?