He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.