got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
