you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
