And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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