Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
