The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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