we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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