this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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