I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
