last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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