He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
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I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
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No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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