i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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