He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
