My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
