i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
