Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
