I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Damn victory sex feels great
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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