i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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