so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
