PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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