Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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