Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
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