The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
