every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
