I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
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I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
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No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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