My balls are so social today.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
