i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
