Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
