the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
