I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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