Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
