So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
