I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
