I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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