I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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