john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
