WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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