I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
