so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
