the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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