Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
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