its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
im six kinds of drunk right now
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
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Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
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We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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