she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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