Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
