dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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