Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
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He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
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Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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