True but thats because hes a fetus.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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