I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
