I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize