Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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