Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
