My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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