she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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