whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
