just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
