so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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