standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
