I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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