take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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