You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
