How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
