My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
