I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
