just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
