am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
