the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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